9 On Discernment

While only the Roman Catholic church demands celibacy from its priests (those of the Roman rite, anyway), both the Orthodox churches and Anglican churches, as well as other rites in Catholic communion) permit priests to be married. In the case of the Orthodox church, one must marry before becoming a priest. It is not permissible for a single priest to marry, whether he never married before or is now bereaved. In the Anglican church, either permutation is allowed.

I do feel called to get married. The words of St. Thomas More:

I feel this in a place towards my core. Having been in sexual relationships before being Christian I think it makes celibacy particularly difficult. I know what it's like, and by the flesh (mental too, I'm no saint), I miss it and long for it back. Not to the extent I regularly break chastity, but that the idea of not having another sexual encounter for the rest of my life is an awful one.

But now, hear what Newman says:

Newman was born in 1801, meaning that first felt sense occurred when he was around 15. This is young, very young, and before the totalising force of sexual desire comes upon you (it is there in strength, but not in its entirety). It is assumed, and for good reason, Newman was celibate his entire life.

One can imagine how much time must be given to one's family, and that with this time a celibate priest could be doing huge work for the kingdom. In my own case I imagine becoming very learned, writing books, knowing things, with the aim to help people, especially those experiencing intellectual blocks.

The third permutation is that of St. Augustine, who had sexual relationships including one long-term involving a child, but then gave them up when he was about thirty, for the sake of the priesthood.

Maybe this is just doing some of the selection for me. Girls who I might otherwise waste time with will instantly be put off if I'm so visibly into something so foreign to their sensibilities. It's a razor that sorts the wheat from the chaff.

All respected theology that deals with the priesthood holds that ordinations are inviolable. If you have been ordained, you will die, ordained. There is a difference between being ordained a priest and having a job as a vicar. In most cases priests are (near-enough) vicars, obviously exceptions exist. A category of exception that interests me is the academic priest. Perhaps involved in training new priests, also involved in academic theology or philosophy. He has become ordained, served a short term in parish work, then as it were retired to the confines of the university. His pastoral calling remains active, perhaps running the chaplaincy, or by being particularly involved with either those he's teaching or his colleagues.

Once a priest, always a priest, and that idea terrifies me. I don't want to be locked in. But I think of Fr. Gregory Pine:

The priest must say at minimum morning and evening prayer, but it is good to include other hours as well. The priest must celebrate mass every Sunday, also every high day. The priest must hold himself to a higher standard than the average Christian, for he will be held to a higher standard by God. He must avoid mortal sin at all costs, and model a life of infused grace. In parish work, I would expect a priest to say and preach at mass on Sundays, say mass on a selection of days during the week, have multiple drop-in hours where he is open to pastoral conversations or confession. Also his work should include outreach and providing support to those without, food kitchens, meetings. He will perform the seven corporate mercies to the best of his ability.

If I find the thought of being a priest scary, one can correctly infer I find the thought of being a religious even scarier. And the thought of being part of a hermetic (correct word?) order even scarier. But there is a beauty and a draw to it that I can't put into words. And my love of meditation with the blessed sacrament, and deeply understanding, empathising with my own inner experience would push me in this direction. It seems such a complete life.

I think of St. Thomas Becket when he lived as a monk for a period of time when in exile in France:

Against: Something's wrong with you if you don't feel a draw to it! You're meant to, it doesn't mean you are to become a monk.

Arjun over a year ago: "For what it's worth, you'd make a really good Dominican"

Arjun today: "Just hurry up and be a priest already!"

Shiji about 6 months ago: "I thought you were already a priest!!"